Despite a fondness for pink and red as a color scheme and frilly little hearts and fat babies as decor, I’m not really a Valentine’s Day person. I was never set up for success in this department with parents who co-own a florist together.
Valentine’s Days for me have historically looked like long nights on anti-fatigue mats knee-deep in red rose petals begging for a stray lightning bolt to strike me down. Before they could reasonably put me to work, I was usually holed up watching The Lord of the Rings on VHS in my parent’s office on a pull-out cot as to cut down on the babysitting budget.
I’ve never been institutionally wronged by the holiday. It mostly just makes my body break out in a cold sweat, despite being in an eight-year-long happy and healthy relationship with my partner. It’s just not my thing. You know what actually is my thing?
Finding a reason to celebrate myself. The little contrarian in me loves the idea of going out of my way to push against society’s expectation that we must pair up or die in shame. Let us celebrate either our collective strengths as single people, relationships with our platonic friends, or even just blast a middle finger at a world built for breeding pairs. This is a list to share with your girls, your gays, your theys, or, in rare occasions, with a platonic cis man should you trust them with your life.
Get a tattoo. Either by yourself or with your friends. I have only ever been tattooed by women, which is a decision that may not be for everyone, but I highly recommend. Hayden Welch at Hinterland Tattoo in High Falls makes getting tattooed feel like catching up with an old friend. Hayden has always been interested in hearing my new (objectively dumb) tattoo ideas and listening to me gossip the entire time. Since moving to their Brown’s Race location, the Hinterland Tattoo crew have hosted lots of tattoo events, art shows, and social gatherings in the new space. Last year, in February, they hosted their Tattoos & Tantrums event, featuring tiny tattoos, live painting, and an open gallery event. An inside source tells me they’re planning to get a similar event on the schedule this year—follow @hinterland.highfalls on Instagram for updates.
Gather with friends to get kombucha. I can’t tell you with data or science why kombucha reads as intimate but platonic, but it feels right to me. Maybe it’s because it’s the secret third option in between getting coffee and getting drinks, both of which are steeped in a certain amount of romantic subtext. My go-to recommendations are Katboocha and Happy Gut Sanctuary, both owned by incredibly cool women who work hard to create a welcoming and inclusive space in their tasting rooms.
Listen in. Hear me out before you shoot me down: You and your best friend put on a great outfit, go out EARLY, and park it at the bar of a restaurant. Spend the whole night sipping a beverage and eavesdropping on couples. I’ve had exactly one date with my partner on actual Valentine’s Day, and you want to know the thing we remember the most? Not the incredible food or drinks but eavesdropping on the couple next to us who had clearly just started dating and were having the most awkward conversation we’ve ever heard in our lives. This particular experience was at The Vesper, but I would recommend any sort of restaurant that someone would take a new partner to try to impress. Bitter Honey, Radio Social, TRATA . . . you get the gist. This is only for the brave of heart, and not if you’re currently harboring trauma of a breakup that will make you cry at the bar. This will backfire, and suddenly you will go from the observer to the observed.
Invest in a blind date with a book. Taylor at Archivist Books has been carving out an excellent little spot for themselves as an independent queer bookstore on Monroe Avenue. They offer a Blind Date with a Book subscription service where you fill out a form on their website and they will send you a queer lit book each month that’s a surprise to you! Each book is handpicked with love by the Archivist team. What’s a better way to celebrate yourself than investing in a gift you get again and again?
Go out with a group. Roc Only Events puts on its Self-Care Soiree every February with local vendors, including great food, drink, massages, and tons of local makers! This year’s event will be two days, February 15 and 16. This is a great event to bring a gaggle of single friends together that will without a doubt have something for everyone.
Revisit your youth. Bring back the charm of passing out cards to the entire class by distributing your own Valentines, be it by mail or in person. This can be as easy as grabbing a pack of ready-made cards at the grocery store, or get a little fancy with it and grab something nicer from Peppermint or Parkleigh, or make your own with supplies from Rochester Art Supply. Whatever you decide, you’ll find yourself reflecting on all the people in your life who serve roles other than just as a lover.
The icky feeling you get from being single on Valentine’s Day is a feature of the holiday, not a bug. People who are confident in themselves and happy with their life are harder to sell dating apps, self-help courses, and keto weight loss gummies. Would we sell as many rose bouquets if most men didn’t fear the wrath of their wife instead of thinking about what would actually make them happy? Probably not! Doing something to celebrate yourself or your platonic friends is a rebellious act with no fallout: no risk, all reward. May you all do something wonderful for yourself this February, whether you crawl into bed with your partner at the end of the night or not. You deserve the love you’re asked to give away.
This article originally appeared in the January/February 2025 issue of (585).
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