When a baby is born into the world, so are grandparents. But if your grandchildren happen to live in another city, sometimes hundreds or even thousands of miles away, you may find yourself with measures of sadness at not being there for those milestone moments — that first smile, first step, first haircut … that first everything.
Fortunately, there are lots of ways to stay connected. When my four year-old grandson Brennen says, “I love you, Nana,” from his home in Pittsburgh, Pa., or his baby brother Bryce spirals into random fits of giggles hearing my voice on the phone, there’s a joy that transcends our distances apart.
Like a lot of grandmothers, Joanne Stogner of Penfield doesn’t get to visit her granddaughter as often as she’d like. “Eden lives in Sierra Vista, Ariz., with my son and daughter-in-law, Kyle and Wendy Kulp, so I only see her once a year when she comes to stay with me each summer for six weeks.” Stogner remains close to Eden through technology, as much as the 15-year-old will allow. “Eden is in her independent streak,” she said. “Sometimes I get one word text messages, but she does create these amazing videos of herself with friends where I get to catch up.”
Trish Harren of Rochester also has long distance relationships with her four grandsons: Zachary, age 6, and Alex,age 4, who live in Sunny dale, Calif., and Max, age 5, and Oliver, age 2, from Allentown, Pa.“My son and his wife, Matt and Ann,live on the West Coast in a different time zone. So, we arrange a video chat on Saturday mornings where we visit the boys while they are having breakfast.“It amazes me how they really get the concept of talking on a video screen,” Harren said. “Even Oliver, our youngest grandson, says ‘Nana, Nana, Nana,’ and although our conversation is limited, it still is a totally immersive and rewarding visit.”
Jim Murphy of Lima connects with his Brighton-based 11-year-old granddaughter Clara-Zofia Gawlowicz through visits and phone calls.“We were retired before Clara was born,”Murphy said, “and it was like a rebirth hearing her ask questions like ‘What makes the sky blue?’ You have to be proactive in their lives and stay connected. “Clara and I bond over simple things— walking in the woods, visiting the horses in the barn,creating projects in the basement. It’s becoming a reciprocal relationship where she teaches me things, too, and we get to learn from one another.”
Linda Quinlan of Irondequoit stays connected with her two-year-old granddaughter Ava Reese, through FaceTime. “My daughter Emily and her husband, Nic, live in Atlanta, and we visit each other several times a year so Ava has been to our house quite a bit. “During our chats, Ava just wants to see the dog and cat and then runs away,” Quinlan said, with a laugh. “There’s always a sense of sadness at grandparenting because you miss those little moments when you want to be there physically. But luckily her parents keep us connected.”
Ellen Konar of Pittsford agrees that one’s children are “the gatekeepers” to the grandchildren. “Our daughter Nina and her husband, Kwaku Essel, who live in South Orange, N.J., keep us and Nathaniel’s grandfather in Africa connected to our two-year old grandson through photos and Google memories and chat,” she said.
The Konars visited grandson Nathaniel frequently during his first few months of life and he spent a week last summer at their home.“They get to know you without parental interference and it’s important that Nathaniel spend time with just us, to learn our stories,” said Konar. “Kids can never get enough unconditional love — and the more people who think they are amazing and wonderful, and will listen to and want to play with them,the better off in life they will be.”
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