Eight ways to build a parent-teacher relationship
Summertime is finally here, but you-know-what is right around the corner. Forget Bruno—in my house we don’t talk about “back to school,” no no no. We hold on to every last delicious slice of summer. But eventually, my children end up stalking our mailbox hoping to find letters from their new teachers. Before we know it, we are in that aisle, crisp school supply list in hand. Anticipation fills the air. Parents wonder: “Will my child be helped or challenged enough? Will they have friends?” Teachers wonder: “Will the kids come in ready to learn? Will the parents be supportive?” As a former teacher and now a parent, I know what it feels like to be on both sides of the relationship and how important it is for our children that the adults in their lives work as a team. So, where do you start?
1. Meet the teacher. Many districts have a meet-the-teacher day or a back-to-school night. These times are meant for introductions and general questions, to get to know the classroom and school. Make sure to introduce yourself but remember to set up a private meeting for another time if you have specific concerns about your child.
2. Communicate. Email regularly and don’t let the first communication be a complaint. You should feel comfortable sharing your child’s achievements. This makes it easier to communicate when you do have a concern. Teachers want to give emotional support when needed most. Let them know when a pet dies, a friend moves away, or if parents are separating. If you do have a complaint, consider “sandwiching” it in between two compliments.
3. Volunteer in the classroom. You can do anything from cutting paper for a project to reading to a student who needs extra support. Many of us can’t volunteer on a regular basis, so consider purchasing extra school supplies for the class or chaperoning a field trip or special event.
4. Bring your concerns to the teacher first. Many of us have said in the heat of the moment, “Your teacher said WHAT?!?” and immediately dialed the principal or even the superintendent to complain. Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. Breathe. Remember that as information passes from teachers to students to parents, things can quickly turn into a game of telephone. If you feel the situation needs to be addressed, call the teacher. Keep records of times when you feel your child’s needs were not being met or you wished a situation was handled differently, but try not to be defensive. You are the expert on your child, but your child’s teacher is the expert on instructing twenty-five children at once.
5. Get organized! Make it a routine to check all backpacks and send back permission slips, correspondence, and money right away. Label everything! Check routinely for emails from teachers and respond when appropriate. Set up a white board calendar for your kids so they know what day they need their instrument, sneakers for PE, or to take the early bus. Color coding makes it easy for everyone to find their activities.
6. Join the PTSA. Each district has councils or committees you can join to give input, plan events, or just get informed. Dances and field trips need to be coordinated. It’s a great way to meet other parents and get involved in your community. If you don’t have time to volunteer, try to attend the events. For more information, check your school’s website for the next parent teacher student association meeting or a list of parent groups to join.
7. Talk about school at home. “How was school?” can feel too vague for most kids. Try asking questions like “What happened at recess? Who did you sit with at lunch? What book did you read? Is there anything I can help you work on?” We do “roses and thorns” at the dinner table every night where we talk about our favorite and least favorite parts of our day (grownups, too). It’s important to talk about the good and the bad but try not to speak negatively about your child’s teacher. This may give your child permission to misbehave or create anxiety.
8. Show your appreciation. If your child’s teacher helped him solve a problem with a friend or made her feel good about math, send a quick thank you. My first year teaching, I had two parents write long letters to the principal detailing how happy their children were in my classroom. It meant more to me than any gift card. So, I try to do the same thing for my children’s teachers at the end of the year. You can also get together with other parents in the class to create a memorable group gift. When in doubt, handwritten cards are the best.
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