Dear Dr. Meami: My college roommate has invited my family to a visit at her fabulous Cape Cod beach house this summer. I’m thrilled but also worried about being the perfect guest — especially with my three very active young kids in tow. Plus, she seems to have it all with her doctor husband, her own career as an attorney, a live-in nanny, and a smokin’ hot bod (since she works out with a personal trainer at her country club three times a week). I’m happy for her, but I still have baby weight to lose from my first-grader, and I work as a stay-at-home mom who scrubs her own toilets. She’s flying to France with the hubby while my big trip is to Wegmans for a gallon of milk and a new pack of Swiffer pads. Get the picture? Help! — Intimidated Isabel Dear Izzy in a Tizzy: Remember the George Gershwin song “Summertime,” where the livin’ is easy, daddy’s rich, and your mama’s good looking? Well, I am going to rewrite the last line of that classic tune just for you, and for anyone reading this who feels they are “below” anyone for any reason. Here goes:“So rise up former roommate, and don’t you cry!” Why? It’s simple! The fact is that you know absolutely nothing about her REAL life behind closed doors. For all you know, her handsome hubby looks at their Swedish au pair more like she’s a new pair (if you know what I mean). And maybe all the pressure she feels to show off a glamorous life on the outside has robbed her of true happiness on the inside. Sometimes in life you discover that less is more, in that simplicity is priceless for the freedom it gives you to enjoy little moments of joy all day long. You can choose to savor things like on an ordinary Monday morning pushing your kid as high as she can go on a swing, much to her delight, at the playground. Or, enjoying magic moments having a picnic, while you savor not feeling weighed down by managing that big home — something your friend might pay the price for with her life itself. Often “having it all” comes with a frantic work schedule just to afford it all, not to mention endless social obligations she must attend “to see and be seen,” while she secretly teeters at the top of the ladder she’s climbing. My advice to you, and to anyone reading this who is visiting friends or family, boils down to one thing: Give them the best hostess gift of all by giving them YOU! Give them the most precious gift of your time, and speak from your heart about the truth of your own life, including the successes and the struggles. What comes from the heart goes to the heart, so just by sharing your authentic self with your friend, she might feel safe enough to reveal her real self to you, too. As you laugh together, and maybe even cry together, incredible bonds of lifelong loving friendship will surface and be sustained. Don’t forget that she invited you because she likes to spend time with you. How about you show up at her door with an open heart to go right along with some homemade muffins in a pretty tin? Or some freshly picked flowers, which will mean so much more to her than some fancy cut crystal vase from Neiman Markups. And enjoy every minute, kids and all.
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