It is a natural instinct for parents to want to help their children succeed and to give them assistance when they are struggling. For very young children, that often means helping them with simple daily tasks such as getting dressed or tying their shoes. Mothers and fathers generally don’t worry about this component of parenting, realizing that it is just a matter of time before their children master these skills themselves.
It is, however, an entirely different story when it comes to deciding how much extra help to give a child academically or with an extra-curricular activity such as sports or music. Part of the parenting puzzle is figuring out what children should do on their own, how long you should let them work before offering assistance, and what type and level of external support is helpful versus harmful.
Early Academic Expectations
All parents want their sons and daughters to do well in school, but “doing well” is defined differently by everyone. Does that mean that they achieve high marks on their report card or that they learn the material well and retain it even if the grade they receive is less than an “A”? In some families, the expectation is that children will do “the best they can,” be involved in other extra-curricular activities, and have lots of friends. It is never too early for parents to think about realistic academic expectations for their child and how those expectations will be communicated to their son or daughter, realizing that this process will evolve over time.
Recently in a New York Times article entitled, “Fast Tracking to Kindergarten?,” author Kate Zernike explored the incredible growth of academic-based enrichment programs, especially for toddlers and elementary school children. Although there has long been a market to help high school students improve their grades, study skills, and test scores as they contemplate college, double-digit market growth is occurring with children as young as ages 2-5 who are getting a head start on kindergarten by acquiring math and reading skills.
But there are other reasons to seek such a service. According to Susan Steron-Herbison, Director of five Sylan Learning Centers throughout Rochester and Buffalo, parents cite the boost in self-esteem that these types of academic enrichment programs give their very young children, which they believe is critical to overall academic success. “The entire learning progression is starting early,” explains Steron-Herbison, “and instilling a love of learning and a sense of self-confidence in academics will set your child up for a positive pattern which leads to success in school.”
Setting a Child Upfor Success
As a child ages and goes to middle and high school, the expectations often increase if the parents or children have their sights set on attending college – especially a highly competitive college. The stories of what parents have been known to do to “help” their child get into the “right” college are endless and include Debbie Stier, mother of a teenage boy who last year took the SAT exam seven times HERSELF in “the hopes of inspiring and motivating her son.” Stier then wrote about the experience in a book released earlier this year entitled, The Perfect Score Project: Uncovering the Secrets of the SAT.
Although Stier’s action may seem extreme, well-meaning parents across Western New York are enrolling their children in SAT prep classes, hiring educational consultants — the newest trend in college-bound help — and paying for their kids to attend intensive summer courses on college campuses, all to give them a leg up on the competition. Educational consultants are independent professionals who assist high school students with navigating the college admissions process, ranging from helping them write their college application essay to selecting which colleges to apply to and coaching them through the process. According to their professional organization, the Independent Educational Consultants Association, educational consultants are able to provide more individualized attention than a high school guidance counselor and “match your child’s strengths to their dream colleges.”
Research indicates that the ratio of guidance counselors to students in a public high school is 434 to 1. Satisfied parents credit educational consultants with helping to relieve the stress that often occurs between high school students and their parents during the college application process. But this assistance comes with a price which is usually between $85-$150 per hour, with the national average for the entire package hovering around $3,500. Is the money worth it at the end of the college process? Dave Roberts, Associate Director of Freshmen Admissions for St. John Fisher College, says that it could be for a highly competitive school, but many colleges focus on an applicant’s high school transcript, his test scores, and overall resume which should include extracurricular activities.” An education consultant can’t change the facts of a student’s resume, although she may help to better highlight an applicant’s strengths.
Another attractive option for some families is enrolling their high school student (generally age 16+) in a pre-college course which enables her to explore her interest in one or more academic areas and even live at a college for a week or more during the summer. These courses, which can be credit or non-credit, advertise the advantage that your child will have by learning more about his own academic abilities and potential, having a “test run” at college life, meeting peers who share similar academic and personal interests, and giving him more motivation when he returns to high school in the fall. The cost for these programs vary greatly depending on the institution and whether or not your teenager is living on-campus during the session, but expect to pay several thousand dollars for the program.
Got Grit?
Aside from the enrichment opportunities and additional help that you can buy, what else can you do as a parent to help your child get ahead? “Grit” is the newest buzzword in education circles, but it really means what used to be called “stick-to-itiveness,” which is defined as “the quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even though it’s difficult.” Dr. Angela Duckworth, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania recently won a McArthur Foundation “Genius Grant” for her research which indicates that “grit” is the greatest indicator to student success in the long term. According to Duckworth, “grit is a better predictor of success than IQ or other measures when it comes to achievement.” Since many educators and parents believe that persistence is undervalued in our current education system, in part because it may be hard to measure, the schools that are making “grit” the centerpiece of their curriculum are getting attention. This change in teaching style and culture translates into valuing the students’ struggle and risk-taking more than just getting the correct answer.
Is it possible to teach the quality of “grit” at home? Certainly, and it starts with explaining to your young children that mistakes and failures — in the classroom or on the playing field — are normal parts of learning. Give children examples of successful people they admire who were persistent, like Steve Jobs who created many versions of the Mac before he found one that worked.
Karen Higman is a Rochester-based freelance writer and a consultant to local non-profit agencies.
As parents, we are still our children’s best role models, teachers, and supporters. The best advice may still be the most basic:
• Encourage students to take the most challenging academic courses they can.
• Support their learning, from not letting them over-schedule their time to creating a good environment at home to study.
• Help them to see the big picture, whether the end goal is getting into college or learning to read at the next grade level.
• Teach them that if at first they don’t succeed, try, try again.
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