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Harsh horoscopes

What’s in the stars this eclipse season?

ARIES March 21–April 19 

“Hey Lucy, you got some healin’ to do!” —Ricky Ricardo

You are ready and raring to go, no assistance required, per usual. When Aries has something they want to do, they will do it, come hell or high water. Unfortunately, the universe has something else in store for you. It’s time to go on an introspective deep dive and slow things down. You can’t move forward successfully with all your plans without getting real with yourself first. Therapy. Meditation. Journaling. DO IT.

TAURUS April 20–May 20 

You are moving from what feels like a long period of “HAVE TOs” to a new magical time of “WANT TOs.” Now, let’s be straight here, the reason you had to do a bunch of obligatory “have to’s” is because of your choices. The “act now, apologize later” lifestyle is a dangerous way to live. But guess what? You are now an evolved Taurus—congrats! You can start focusing on all the things you want to do (and hopefully that includes thinking of others’ feelings and wants as well).

GEMINI May 21–June 20 

Don’t throw your phone across the room, Gemini. Mercury in retrograde is from April 1 through April 24, and unfortunately, it’s gonna be a doozy, for you. Setbacks in communication or technology glitches may cause some real problems, so start preparing ASAP. Put on your favorite Enya CD, schedule that spa day, and get ready to take some deep breaths.

CANCER June 21–July 22 

It’s time, Cancer. It’s time to get the credit you deserve from friends and family for always putting their needs first. And, scout’s honor, it’s finally going to start happening for you. Come out of your shell and bask in their praise! Once you feel all the appreciative vibes coming your way, you’ll be inspired to get out there and travel, have fun, and do you, boo. It’s nice not to always feel needed.

LEO July 23–August 22 

Can you play well with others? I sure hope so because there are going to be A LOT of situations coming up that really push the concept “sharing is caring.” Share the spotlight, share ideas, share your space, yada yada, all the sharing. It might be difficult at first, but you are a boss when it comes to adapting, and you will gain a lot of insight from this lesson that the universe is giving you.

VIRGO August 23–September 22 

You have a strong work ethic, organization skills like no other, and an even stronger sense of superiority (no one can do anything quite like you, right?). I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but friends and loved ones might be getting a little tired of “Virgo knows best.” You’ve now got to work really hard to turn that judgmental frown upside down. Maybe it’s also time to keep that really helpful advice (that no one asked for) to yourself. Your friends want to see your sweet, vulnerable, fun-loving side— it’s time to switch things up. 

LIBRA September 23–October 22 

You wake up, feel the sun on your face, take a big stretch, and greet the day. You then look in the mirror and think “I gotta make some changes.” As a Libra, you love to avoid conflict or tasks that you know you have to do, but you don’t want to. You may need to embrace a healthier lifestyle, work on some long-forgotten goals or dreams, or repair some friendships. Pick one thing that you’ve put off in the recent month (or years) and give it all you got. Crossing things off of your Libra to-do list will be one of the most satisfying things you do this year.

SCORPIO October 23–November 21 

The world is your oyster, Scorpio! Opportunities are coming your way, you’re receiving invitations aplenty, and everything’s falling into place. The only thing that could ruin this most perfect moment is a self-sabotaging Scorpio such as yourself. If you take on more than is humanly possible to handle, or if you push yourself too hard, you are going to ruin everything (no pressure). But in all seriousness, release what you don’t need in your life, establish all the boundaries, and, most importantly, realize you deserve all the GOOD that is at your doorstep.

SAGITTARIUS November 22– December 21 

Matters that affect the house and home come to the forefront, and you are forced to face these obstacles head-on. Sagittarius is on the verge of getting ready to pick up and leave everything behind ninety-nine percent of the time. It’s so easy to run away from problems, look for a quick fix, or put a band-aid on something that actually needs a lot of attention and patience. But not this time, my fiery friend, you really have to work on this issue and put in the time it needs to heal. Commit to the long term, commit to the future. Unpack your bags and stay awhile.

CAPRICORN December 22– January 19 

As a Capricorn you are always on the verge of ending one project and starting a new one almost simultaneously. Give yourself a pat on the back for your accomplishments in 2024 and revel a little in the glory of YOU. No one, and I mean no one, can do what you do (and stay sane). Having said that, you may be feeling a little sensitive lately. Instead of plowing ahead with a scowl on your face and that “I CAN DO IT MYSELF” attitude it will benefit you greatly to ask your loved ones to listen, show some vulnerability, and accept some help. Even a Capricorn can shed a tear in front of their nearest and dearest (GASP!). Vulnerability looks good on you. Embrace all the feelings and then you can go back to being a boss bitch. 

AQUARIUS January 20–February 18 

You emerge from the cocoon as a BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY. I’m telling you, Aquarius, the eclipse is bringing a whole NEW set of goals, ideas, wants, desires, and, by the end of 2024, you might not even recognize yourself (in the BEST way possible). You may be a creature of comfort, but a force from within is pushing you to do things differently. Don’t resist the urge! Take a class, try a new hobby, meet new people. New year, who dis? 

PISCES February 19–March 20 

Nurturing your social life is SO important right now, sweet Pisces. Friends will be plentiful; everyone will be vying for your love and attention. It might be a little overwhelming, but you are going to need every single person who shows up. Let’s just say there are some Pisces meltdowns on the horizon, and having their support will help with all those “woe is me” moments that a Pisces just can’t seem to avoid. Build and maintain those bridges; you’re going to be happy you did.

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