Family Vacation with Teen
Every family has its unique traditions, but among the most common is the annual family vacation. Whether your own family unit is more like the Griswolds or the Hoovers, one thing is for sure: the dynamic changes as the kids get older.Goodbye Family Vacation?
There have been numerous movies based on the subject, from National Lampoon’s “Family Vacation” to the dysfunctional relatives in “Little Miss Sunshine.” Whether your own family unit is more like the Griswolds or the Hoovers, one thing is for sure: the dynamic changes as the kids get older.
Planning Tips for Teen Travel
There are ways to keep the peace and truly enjoy time together, but it will take some effort on your part. Keep in mind that this is YOUR vacation too, and parents deserve a break as much as their children.
- Consider including your teenage child in travel planning. The more input that your teen has in where you are going or what you are doing, the more he will enjoy the experience. If you’ve selected a few places where you would like to go, ask them if they have a preference. Or parents can select the site for the vacation, but ask their teen to help them chose activities or even plan an entire day of the trip.
- If you are including your teen in trip planning, decide ahead of time what the appropriate limits are for their component and communicate that clearly. Dr. Sugarman suggests not rejecting your teen’s suggestion immediately, even if it seems far-fetched. Instead, “try to treat your teen maturely and ask her to fully research the suggestion, including costs and the pros and cons.”
- Don’t over-schedule activities or set expectations that you know may cause problems, like starting your day at 6:00 am. Other than the actual travel itself, such as a plane’s departure time, try not to push anyone’s limits when it comes to lack of sleep or hunger. They may be teenagers, but they get as tired and cranky as toddlers.
- If your finances will allow you to book a larger space, do it. Nothing puts teenagers on edge more than being crowded into rooms with their parents or younger siblings. Sometimes it’s a better option to go to a more modest location or take a shorter trip rather than piling into one small hotel room. Consider looking at residence hotels that tend to be bigger or even renting a vacation house or condominium. That will give you more flexibility with space and cooking options.
- Remember that your teenager thinks she is more mature than she probably is, so you still need to be the adult and use your judgment. If your older child wants to participate in an activity away from the family, such as a “teen club” at a resort or on a cruise ship, or an outing at a nearby attraction, think about safety first and go over the plan in detail. Supervised activities are often fine, but if you aren’t comfortable, then don’t let them go.
Understanding the Difference Between Picky and Problem
Part of our daily role as parents is discerning whether a situation is a disaster waiting to happen, something that can be dealt with easily, or simply an annoyance that we can safely ignore. The first time your teenager voices a negative opinion about going on family vacation may seem traumatic for you, but this is no different than any other disagreement. The first step is to ascertain if your teenager is complaining just because he is moody or disagreeable, or if he has a legitimate concern over leaving town, such as missing time at a summer job. It is best to bring the subject of vacation time up with your teenager as early as possible so that any actual scheduling conflicts can be addressed in time to resolve them. Another bonus of planning ahead is that it gives you time to discuss the vacation with your teen when they are at a good point, not when they are already stressed about final exams, applying for summer jobs, or spring social activities such as a prom.
Laurence Sugarman, MD, a Rochester-based behavioral pediatrician with Easter Seals Diagnostic & Treatment Center, cautions that teenagers are often impulsive and prone to changing their minds at the last minute. “Teens act this way, in part, to test the parent,” explains Dr. Sugarman, who spent many years in private practice. “It is not necessarily conscious manipulation, but they can throw a monkey-wrench on the best laid plans. To the extent possible, be prepared by building in some flexibility with departure and arrival dates and other trip details that could change at the last minute.”
Separating Fantasy from Reality
Parents often have fond memories of vacationing with their child and they view the potential end of this tradition as yet another reminder that their child is growing up. This can cause sadness, which in turn makes parents dig in their heels about changing or ending their traditional family vacation. Try not to put too many expectations on your trip; be realistic and view the trip as just another opportunity to spend time together — not the only opportunity. Just like the holiday season, if you expect everything to be perfect, then you are bound to be disappointed. Try to focus on why you have such good memories of past vacations. Was it because you were in a special place or you were all doing an activity that you enjoy? Perhaps it was because you weren’t at work and the guilt or sadness you may have felt about being separated from your young child was no longer present. Take some time to think about the motivation behind family vacation. Open yourself to the possibility that you still may be able to capture what’s important to you, even if it no longer comes packaged in a week-long trip to an isolated cabin or a fully-scheduled sightseeing tour of a far-away destination. This could mean that you and your family opt to vacation over a weekend rather than taking a longer trip or even enjoy a series of day trips. The important thing is that you get to spend time together.
“Family” May Not be Just on Television
Parents know that controversy often arises when you try to separate your teenage child from their friends. This is usually the number one reason why teens no longer want to spend vacation time with their families. As you approach this potentially sensitive topic with your teenage child, give serious consideration to the type of vacation atmosphere you, or you and your spouse, desire. Make sure that you discuss it before you talk to your child so that you can be clear about rules and expectations. Serious consideration needs to be given to any request to include anyone other than family in your vacation plans. For example, what if your child requests that a friend accompany you on vacation or even a boyfriend or girlfriend? According to Marybeth Bond, National Geographic writer and author of the blog www.GutsyTraveler.com, think twice before you answer. “Your teen may be more happy with a friend in tow, but be aware that you will have less communication and quality time with your child, who will be leaving your home and your influences very quickly,” says Bond. “When you invite another teen, you are assuming full responsibility for all of their actions and accidents. Ask yourself how well you know your child’s friend and whether or not they party, what are their personal habits, and even whether they are picky eaters.”
An easier issue to tackle is the use of devices such as cell phones or computers so that your teen does not feel isolated from her friends while you and your family are away from home. Bond sees no upside to forbidding them to stay in touch, as long as parents set the guidelines. Some suggestions may include no calling, emailing or texting during meals or other specific times during the day. Compromise on this subject usually wins out; ultimatums may end in disappointment for everyone.
Traveling with a teenager can be a great experience because they may be more open to adventure or trying new things, but compromise is the key to creating new fond memories.
Karen Higman is a Rochester-based freelance writer and a consultant to local non-profit agencies.
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